my day [edited because my computer posted before i was even done...bastard]

i am a huge disappointment and when it comes to my body a vindictive heifer!!!
so basically after putting mini-me down for her nap i was like ok i'm going to eat, so i ate some tofu with soy sauce. then i remembered oh i didn't want to eat so i purged.
well i went to the bathroom later that day (TMI WARNING) wipe my hiney and there's blood. i'm like WTF so of course I check to see what hole it's coming out of because yeah with the abdominal pain I wanted to make sure I didn't need to go to the hospital or something.
Well looks like my period is back and i just had it the last week in November. Well this evening the bleeding seems to have lessened a bit.
TMI ENDING
Well with all the above shit happening to my body aunt flo and the abdominal pain i got pissed at my body and just b/p ed a bunch of times. A lot actually and I don't think I was able to get all of it out, when stuff wasn't coming up anymore at all I wasn't tasting the bile like usual.
but yeah today I had revenge on my body and i probably made everything worse.
i actually think my problems come from the purging i know i need to stop but at this point i can't.
i'll probably gain.
i wish i could promise being stronger but i can't i'm sorry Fading Figure but no I didn't fast, i FAILED.
so hoping for more discipline tomorrow
oh and i'm going to the doctor tomorrow to figure something out about the pain.
stay strong(er than me)
MUAH

vegan no longer an option

and i with that i mean, the other day i ate chicken and i threw up...my body was like WTF bitch what are you putting in me???


this'll be a pretty random post so if you read it thanks!!!

so yeah now since the past weekend (fri to sun morning) was much alcohol and a 2 week late celebration of my birthday with my besty. I paused veganism drank a shitload of vodka red bull and went up from 75kg on saturday to damn near 77 by sunday. and i've been drinking soda. that shit is poison and i'm poisoning myself with it. ughhh!!!!
anyway my plan is to start a fast this week. probably friday since fahja is going down rage for 6 months (woohooo, i know sounds mean but hell i don't even care) on thursday.
I want to finish eating my food that i have, just so it won't go bad and since i'm living with the P.U.s I don't feel like hearing their mouths about wasting food. I feel like such a teenager again, and not the grown ass 24 year old i am. oh well at least I can purge. however i'm getting sick of purging. no i still absolutely adore it but ana in me is like stop using purging for stuffing your face like some people use abortions as a contraceptive. I know it's a really harsh comparison but it's how i'm starting to feel like i'm lacking control because i know if i eat i can purge. that's why i didn't allow myself to purge today or yesterday. i need to feel that punishment on my scale tomorrow. i need my self loathing, and i need to stop being a lazy fat ass. i have weight to loose and i plan on getting to my goal by middle october. that's when there'll be a cosplay convention (i'm an j-nerd) i want to go with my besty and her ass is at like 53Kg (i'm so hating). so i can't be a fat ass anymore. felt fat enough this weekend even though we were some hot bitches...i was just to fat. maybe i'll post pics but i'm not really sure...now back to the point

anyway fast details, i'm hoping for a week. i've done it before i should be able to do it again. this time it'll just be a pretty relaxed liquid diet. 200ml of soy milk (74 cals) a day if I want. Juices, and maybe some pureed fruits if I'm really low energy because of my blood pressure.

Stay Strong
MUAH

P.S. I confessed to my besty about my mia-tendencies. she gave me a good tip (after telling me I need to stop that!!). when you feel hungry imagine the last meal you ate in full detail. the texture how it goes down your throat, how you felt full after etc...by that time you shouldn't be hungry anymore.
i haven't tried it yet but once i start my fast i will