this afternoon i did it

i broke the 70kg barrier. i weighed this afternoon after 2 b/ps i'm actually waiting on the food delivery for number 3 maybe 4. my weight was 153.2lbls (69.5kg) woot woot. but i can't feel to much happiness unless it stays that way. god i should be celebrating but you can't trust a weigh in at your lowest low unless it stays that way at least for 24 hours. we'll see what tomorrow brings. i'll attempt at starvation tomorrow. however i won't hold myself accountable. but i will have a 600 cal limit should i feel the need to let anything into my body.
i'm feeling the effects of my extreme purging, my gums are killing me. and i feel like there's an air of vomit air following me around, ugh. logically i know it's not the case but you know...
so i've been close to getting panic attacks again. i'm not quite there. i was close to curling up in a ball and screaming at the top of my lungs in the grocery store. i was so freaked out i don't know. that was the second time i went to the store today. the first time i almost had one because i felt people were judging me based on my purchases, same when i bought the chinese food for my binge i was like the bitch knows what's gonna go down. paranoia cha cha cha.
just finished my final b/p and popped 2 more laxies so i'm up to a total of five today i took 3 earlier today.
to combat my dehydration i bought an isotonic drink mix so i'll get some electrolytes and it has L-Carnitin which it helps your body burn fat. win win right? well i think so. my nose hurts really bad after that last purge but at least there's no blood. my body is starting to fight me though it's getting more difficult to purge. i had to tell my body to stop fucking with me. and then it cooperated.
i wanted to do a shout out to Silhouette formerly known as Fading Figure. she had to set up a new blog because of discovery and now lacks followers.
well i'm exhausted and they're about to bring a documentary on Vivian Westwood on tv, right now it's the end of the Lagerfeld documentary Lagerfeld Confidential. I have even more respect for him now.
i'm off to fall asleep to some fashion and bones (i hope)
love you guys
stay strong
MUAH
hopefully tomorrow i can gather my scattered thoughts (purging seems to have killed some braincells) and write a proper post even if i have to work on it all freaking day