so while i was gone much has happened. obviously i got released and such and started the day clinic with which i'm now done. i'm sure i've mentioned that.
i had one crash and burn situation, not so much related to food though.
this happened sometime in june:
one time i came home to my parents home and first thing that happened is that my fahja just yelled at me. about how long my treatment was taking and how hard it was for them to take care of my mini me (puhleeze asshole my mom did most of the work). oh yeah and of course it's my fault that he has high blood pressure. asshole if you'd stop yelling about everything you wouldn't have high blood pressure. well that was a trigger for my mood going hella low. i had to promise my therapist that i wouldn't hurt myself, and would call. well i decided that week i was going to go out and drink and forget my worries (thanks to piss tests no more pot). yes most of you will know that this is a bad idea. drinking for the wrong reason but let's not forget the meds i'm on. BAD IDEA. I drank way too much and made out with this 20 year old kid (not because of his age but because of his behavior). then i disappeared on my friends. i don't remember any of this. then at aobut 4:30 am i call my mother from my house phone and don't say anything. she gets worried comes to my house walks in...nobody there, then all of a sudden she hears something out in the hall and it's me in bra and underwear coming down the steps talking about how cold it is. yeah funny in retrospect but damn and i don't remember any of this. well i talked to my friend and he talked to the guys (they are sorta friends of ours) and i actually went and had sex with the kid in the bushes and in between the buses. oh yeah BAD FUCKING IDEA to drink on meds. of course my fahja didn't let me live that one down. so here comes the yelling from him once more. i did fess up to my therapist though.
i swore never to drink again...that didn't last. weekend before last similar thing except this time i went home with a random stranger lost my madonna piercing during sex and went home. yeah apparently i turn into a slut but if i'm perfectly honest i don't feel bad about the sex in general just the first time with that kid because usually guys can't be friends after having sex...at least that's what i've noticed from friends in the past who are now no longer my friends anymore. oh well i can live with it. but its been turbulent. i'm just glad next weekend i'm going out with my best friend. which is going to be freaking awesome!!!
i didn't purge today or rather couldn't i didn't get one bit of privacy since fahja decided to work near my bathroom all day. on the bright side all i ate today was two tomatoes and some potatoes with soy butter and salt. so i didn't do to bad on the eating. now i do have privacy and i'm feeling hungry however i don't even know if i'll find anything vegan in the kitchen. but this i could purge so yeah i'll have to see.
does anyone else eat sometimes just to purge? i actually enjoy it...i know how bad it is but it's my new drug of choice
my weight is down from yesterday. i'm now 166.9 lbs (75.7kg) oh yeah go me. i must keep loosing my goal is getting closer and i'm motivated once more. i think i'm going to read a book now and play some more catch up on your blogs tomorrow!
Stay strong
MUAH
Congrats on getting released. And yes some meds and alcohol are BAD news. I have the memory lapses to prove it. Honestly though, I'd prefer to NOT know the dumb stuff that my friends said I had done. Ugh. Embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteLuckily, those drugs go bye bye.
And it took some growing-up on my part to learn how to drink without being that girl passing out at the party ;)
xoxo zen