Man oh man....

It's a lot of stuff maybe a bit jumbled...yeah just so you know before you read...

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride of emotions. Especially the past few weeks.

First things first. The P.U.s finally took mini-me off my hands. They finally realized that at the moment I'm not a fit mother, but in order to keep her in the family we'll avoid telling child services. I am so happy. My kid is safe and with people she loves. How sad is it that when they dropped me off at home my kid was crying because she thought she had to go home, and then later they came back from shopping with her so I could give them all the clothes and her food (that's another good thing) and toys, she cried because she was like WTF I don't want to go home. She was fine with a Farewell kiss from me and going with my P.U.s.
I think that says enough. I def need to get my shit together first, but I'm actually not upset. I'm glad that it was this easy and there was no big thing about her not wanting to go.
So what did I do last night. Went partying with my bestie. Since we live so far apart and they all (her + friends) happened to come to my end of the world for a club concert, I decided fuck this I'll feel guilty for partying while my kid is gone tomorrow. Well I drank way to many calories. Plus I realized Vodka-Redbull is a drink my stomach can't handle anymore. I was getting nauseous from all that damn sugar. Yay for changing tastes. But instead of having them pick me up I walked the 30-45min walk to the club from my house. (listening to Thinspo music) I was like if I'm gonna fuck my shit up like this I'm at least gonna walk over there. It felt great but I think in my overly-tipsy(not quite drunk) state I might have admitted to my ED behaviors, to one of the friends there. Hopefully she was just to drunk to remember. I'll feign ignorance should it come up. WHAAAAAT I said that? I musta been drunk. I don't remember that. I talk a lotta shit when I'm drunk, sorry
Speaking of being drunk, I felt freaking awesome last night. I actually thought I looked good before I went out. But I was drinking at home and I was kinda tipsy. Oh yeah Alcohol def puts on the mental beauty glasses (they are off again). Oh well the fact that it has so many calories is enough of a put off for now. Oh and at the concert the performer was smoking weed and I smelled it, friends smelled it, and everybody looked at me. WHAAT I know I'm a pot head, and yes I woulda loved to have smoked with but I swear that ain't me smoking! ha ha.
Since they dropped me off at home after and they had a cold McDs cheeseburger, I ate it. Pretty much purged it all back up after because, I always purge after a night of alcohol. I still feel dehydration nausea but I don't have any other hangover symptoms. I was up at 7:30 am. WTF?
Right now I'm doing good. I think. I know I can at least start getting my shit together (somewhat), speaking of which fahja was talking about making me do "in-house" therapy. His words. Yeah he wants me to be checked in. WTF. I'm not that bad off. I swear...
Oh yeah I know so far this is a long rambly post about a party night. I'll now focus on food.
Yesterday when my P.U.s came to get mini-me I gave them all her food. And now my fridge has tofu, soy milk, and condiments in it. That is how it's staying. I don't have to go grocery shopping anymore. I am so happy. Well for soy milk but hell that ain't a biggie. No more solids in my house unless I have to put up a front for someone!I'm thinking of throwing the tofu out. None of my friends like it and it's solid food. Anyone want some tofu? ha ha
Oh man, the upside of not having a kid living with me is I can completely let myself fall into Ana's and Mia's hands. I know it's sick in a way but I know you guys still love me.
I love all you guys, even when I was partying you guys were in my mind. It's funny (maybe sad to others) but this community has become something like a family.
Hey guys let's buy an island in the pacific and live in a commune. ha ha
I might still have some alcohol in my system
Stay strong guys
MUAH
P.S. my weight is up .3 grams. I don't care today I fucking drank last night...I mean I do care but I'm trying not to.