OH man total failure. I wanted to leave Mia behind but somehow today I made a U-Turn and hauled myself right back into her arms. It started off good today. I had a liter of tea. Then somehow I ate bread with margarine and tomato. However I failed because I didn't weigh everything out. So I decided at that point, I just won't eat anything else and somehow everything will work out for today. It won't be over 400cals. However I had to go pick up a package from the post office today and well there was a bakery in the shopping center. I wanted to get mini-me a Pretzel but then I saw all the sweet goods in the display case and somehow Mia was whispering in my ear. "It's ok Dylphe just a bit and it can all come back up." I argued with her and had I not had that slow ass lady in front of me I might have resisted but it was enough time for her to convince me to go ahead and get 3 of this and 5 of that and 1 of those. I don't want to say what it was because I just feel like it might be to triggering.
And Lola yeah I totally understand the Döner obsession. I'm glad I didn't come past a shop on the way home because since I already decided to binge there would have been no holding me back.
This is the sickest thing ever. This is why I don't like leaving the house. Kinda like in Skins when chicky says to Cassie "You want to go outside? There's food out there!!!" My sentiments exactly. I hate this. I wanted to say bye bye to Mia, I never wanted to see her again. I did well for two weeks. A record really. Can I do it again? I don't know. I have to leave the house again tomorrow, I have to buy a house phone since I still haven't found mine. God I hate this shit. I hate it, I hate it. I just want to restrict. I want to say tomorrow's another day but that's not good enough. That's like making what I did today ok. Which it wasn't. I think I vomited some blood to.. There was some red in there and I didn't eat anything red. Except for the tomatoes this morning but I doubt they'd still be in there after 8-9 hours. It's not the first time I've seen red in my vomit, however I always told myself it must have been something I ate. I can't ignore it anymore. I need to scare myself off of this habit. I have a daughter to live for, the reason I went into the psych ward earlier this year. I cannot die because I vomited. Seriously. That is just retarded. (you know what i mean)
Avani I wish I would've read your comment before the binge it probably would have stopped me but I binged then got on the computer
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