so it's time to update you guys on what i've been up to since my release from the hospital and day clinic, besides the obvious move and the whining about my lack of self control.
but i'll start with my eating since that is what this blog is supposed to be mostly about.
basically i've been going through binge and purge lately. i think somewhere deep down inside it's more because i can now whenever i want pretty much. let's ignore the fact that it's bad for my health and the fact that when i do purge i feel really guilty because i look at myself as a loser because it feels like the purging is just an excuse for me to not use self control however i do enjoy it on some level.
as of tomorrow it's time to start a new. i will probably start my self control as i did before. constantly talking to myself, asking myself are you really hungry. i need to start drinking more. i know for a fact that i don't drink enough liquid throughout the day. but since i've unpacked all my teas now i don't really have any excuse. and when i eat i need to really start drinking the ginger tea after, since it helps boost the metabolism and burn fat. i also plan on starting some sort of work out. don't know quite what yet but i'm starting to find all my work out dvds so that would be a good place to start. plus mini me can join in. i miss my scale i forgot it at my moms house but i'm going on saturday so i should be ok until then but it bugs me not to have it. I'll try to see it positively and say this just gives me a few days of getting back into the swing of things.
well let's see what else....i don't think to much else has happened that's even worth a mention...
as of tomorrow i'll start keeping a food diary on here again and once i have my scale i'll update on my weight much as i did in the beginning and also update on the side there.
EDIT: one part somehow got completely cut out damn it
since i've gotten out of the hospital i've had a social worker to help me with all the important stuff that's official. i'm glad, she's a big help and i don't have to make the phone calls that just bring up my social anxiety. she's nice as well. plus mini-me likes her.
i'm gonna cut my hair pretty soon. i just want to start a new and that includes me cutting off my hair. when i know when i'll do a before and after.
i realized my bath tub is shorter than the one in my old apartment which kinda sucks but taking a bath was just as awesome!!!
oh just watched a program called red it's a star magazine and they basically where talking about curvy celebs and how skinny is out....sorry that's a trend i can't follow i'm a fat ass now not feeling it, i can't lie to myself like i used to and say big is beautiful and i'm happy that way...fuck that
i wanna look hungry!!!
stay strong
muah
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