i b/p-ed last night
it started quite innocent too
when i'm going through a restrictive mode i tend to get restless and want to eat but i usually go through my cabinets and fridge and tell myself why i can't eat certain things. well in my living room i have this one thing where i still have stuff from my old apartment in there, i never moved it into my kitchen after i got it. so i'm going through the little cupboard and there's a whole bottle of low sodium soy sauce (awesome i love the soy sauce with rice which means i won't have to buy any for a long time), there was some miso soup and seaweed soup(the instant kind). japanese style noodles, some almond slices and this is where shit went wrong. the damn almond slices, first i tried to see how many cals just out of curiosity then i found the expiration which all i remember is the year is 2008. yeah they were three years past their date. so i don't see any mold i'm like hmmm i wonder what they'll taste like worst case scenario i get a fucked up stomach which in the end isn't to bad because of the automatic weight drop. i opened it and basically they tasted like old nuts(pervy thought just entered my mind). kind of like old peanuts that have been sitting out for quite some time.
then i realized oh shit you just put a solid food in your mouth, this isn't enough to purge and then the fuck it mentality came and i made myself one thing of japanese style noodles and i took the noodles out of one of those instant noodle pour some water add the seasoning things out and cooked them together. i then poured lots of ketchup and mayonnaise on them and went to town.
purging was easy as it usually is when you haven't done it in a while. it all came out.
and no i didn't get sick, because that bowl of noodles was expired to ha ha.
yeah don't get me wrong when it comes to fresh foods i don't fuck with expired stuff but i'm thinking all that stuff that is instant and dry i won't die from it. and worse case is food poisoning which isn't all that bad (in my head at least i'm sick i know)
i guess looking at the amount it's not that much binged so i guess a mini binge.
i remember prior to the binge in an attempt to avoid eating anything while watching food porn in my cabinets i weighed myself to kinda keep myself from eating and i was at an even 74kg after the b/p i was 73.8kg or .7 doesn't matter.
which that's not all this morning after the laxies kicked in and that got handled 72.5kg...woot woot.
this however does not mean i embraced mia or anything. i just had a slip up.
i think i need to keep food porn to pictures (like in the awesome book Lou sent me). i need to avoid the food strip club (my cabinets) because there is no don't touch policy...skanky food products
I won't post this mornings weight because aunt flow is being a clingy bitch and i don't trust her. however if this is my real weight i am extremely happy
I do wonder what happened to Konrad I think he deleted his blog which sucks because he still had a bunch of updates i didn't get a chance to read because of my lazyness and then it was gone *tear* I just hope everything is alright with him.
I hope Phantom is ok, no matter what she's doing right now. I wish her the best and hope she'll return even if it's just to post about her day to day.
i want to say congrats to Avani she posted a very great blog post today saying she is officially fully recovered. i am soooo happy for her. i think it's a great thing that should be celebrated and i did totally do a happy dance for her this morning.
Lou also posted a very positive vlog
so thanks to them I also had a great start to my day
so let us be positive. it feels good. (i'm sure if i got banged nice and hard that would feel good to...sorry i turn into a hornball toward the end of my period)
so stay strong
be positive
MUAH
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
OMFG
my blog is one year old today. awesome that i was able to stick it out
*cough*with*cough*pauses*cough*
since i've started loosing weight i've dropped about(since i don't know my exact weight right now) 101.4lbs (46kg)
i should be celebrating but i'm so used to denying myself joy until i reach the end...i'm working on it, part of my new found positivity
so today i feel like i've eaten a lot but i don't think i went over 800 cals
still trying to hydrate, have tea sitting next to me
i had a binge urge so i chowed down on some cucumber <-take that mia
right now i'm good on distancing myself from her and i hope it stays that way.
i don't know my weight exactly so i'll say 75 just to round it but by my 25th bday in june i want to reach my goal of 53kg that means i've got about 5 months to drop 22kg that's 4.4kg a month, 1.1kg a week, 157gr a day; that shouldn't be to hard.
i'm a bit upset at myself because i wanted to run today but didn't. i did walk quite a bit.
monday it's on. i think i'll jog back home after dropping mini me off at daycare if i can't count on my friend. unless there is snow everywhere since it's supposed to snow again ugh
i've re-fallen in love with coffee it ups my energy
well that's it for tonight
stay strong
MUAH
*cough*with*cough*pauses*cough*
since i've started loosing weight i've dropped about(since i don't know my exact weight right now) 101.4lbs (46kg)
i should be celebrating but i'm so used to denying myself joy until i reach the end...i'm working on it, part of my new found positivity
so today i feel like i've eaten a lot but i don't think i went over 800 cals
still trying to hydrate, have tea sitting next to me
i had a binge urge so i chowed down on some cucumber <-take that mia
right now i'm good on distancing myself from her and i hope it stays that way.
i don't know my weight exactly so i'll say 75 just to round it but by my 25th bday in june i want to reach my goal of 53kg that means i've got about 5 months to drop 22kg that's 4.4kg a month, 1.1kg a week, 157gr a day; that shouldn't be to hard.
i'm a bit upset at myself because i wanted to run today but didn't. i did walk quite a bit.
monday it's on. i think i'll jog back home after dropping mini me off at daycare if i can't count on my friend. unless there is snow everywhere since it's supposed to snow again ugh
i've re-fallen in love with coffee it ups my energy
well that's it for tonight
stay strong
MUAH
quick post on the positive thinking
i decided to add the rules for this wishingordering thing in here while i drink my coffee before i gotta get ready to take mini-me to day care
1. you can order for anything you want (you can also be as detailed as you want)
2. the best way to order is to say it and then kind of forget about it
3. there is no ritual for it, you can write it down read it outloud at night and tell the universe what you want if you want or sit at your desk and think it
I decided to write my things down read them outloud and then burn the paper so as to feel like there gave up my order time to move on
4. it must be formulated in a positive way. like for example instead of i don't want to be sick you'd say i want to be healthy
5. don't order 20 million times. once is enough
6. stay positive no negative nancy thoughts this of course takes practice but it's worth it and it's not that hard
7. you have to believe in your order no hmm it's not gonna work anyway but you have to know that it WILL happen. if you think positive you get positive things if you think negative you'll get negative things.
8. you have to start listening to your inner voice. they way it works is that small things start happening, like little changes that will lead you to whatever it is you wanted.
the author gave a story about a lady who always took the elevator down at her home to the parkhouse underneath one day she just randomly decided to take the stairs down. when she got to the entrance there was the mail man with a package for her, which she wouldn't have gotten had she not taken the stairs. apparently this is how this universe works you listen to the small little voice in your head instead of only sticking to what you know and routine and then it just works out.
in order for you to start being more positive you have to make a stronger commitment to yourself. think of yourself first before anybody else. before you think about your child, family, friends make yourself happy. when you're happy and positive everything falls into place
anyway you don't have to believe it or do it but feel free to try it out you have nothing to loose. even if the first time you just ask for a perfect parking spot or that you don't have to wait long in line at the store...whatever works for you
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ok so question which is off subject.
sometimes when i'm out and about i see the school kids (probably around the ages 8-12) and the little girls will be so skinny and i'm somewhat jealous, anybody else ever feel that way? it's kinda retarded i know they're kids but i envy thin on whoever.
well anyway i lost some more weight but no official update until aunt flow takes her ass home
1. you can order for anything you want (you can also be as detailed as you want)
2. the best way to order is to say it and then kind of forget about it
3. there is no ritual for it, you can write it down read it outloud at night and tell the universe what you want if you want or sit at your desk and think it
I decided to write my things down read them outloud and then burn the paper so as to feel like there gave up my order time to move on
4. it must be formulated in a positive way. like for example instead of i don't want to be sick you'd say i want to be healthy
5. don't order 20 million times. once is enough
6. stay positive no negative nancy thoughts this of course takes practice but it's worth it and it's not that hard
7. you have to believe in your order no hmm it's not gonna work anyway but you have to know that it WILL happen. if you think positive you get positive things if you think negative you'll get negative things.
8. you have to start listening to your inner voice. they way it works is that small things start happening, like little changes that will lead you to whatever it is you wanted.
the author gave a story about a lady who always took the elevator down at her home to the parkhouse underneath one day she just randomly decided to take the stairs down. when she got to the entrance there was the mail man with a package for her, which she wouldn't have gotten had she not taken the stairs. apparently this is how this universe works you listen to the small little voice in your head instead of only sticking to what you know and routine and then it just works out.
in order for you to start being more positive you have to make a stronger commitment to yourself. think of yourself first before anybody else. before you think about your child, family, friends make yourself happy. when you're happy and positive everything falls into place
anyway you don't have to believe it or do it but feel free to try it out you have nothing to loose. even if the first time you just ask for a perfect parking spot or that you don't have to wait long in line at the store...whatever works for you
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ok so question which is off subject.
sometimes when i'm out and about i see the school kids (probably around the ages 8-12) and the little girls will be so skinny and i'm somewhat jealous, anybody else ever feel that way? it's kinda retarded i know they're kids but i envy thin on whoever.
well anyway i lost some more weight but no official update until aunt flow takes her ass home
Thursday, February 10, 2011
scartterbrain warning
woot woot another vlog
pardon the background mess lol
for those wondering why they don't show on my youtube it's basically because i'm too paranoid someone i know would stumble through youtube and find it so i have them as unlisted. but anyway here you go:
pardon the background mess lol
for those wondering why they don't show on my youtube it's basically because i'm too paranoid someone i know would stumble through youtube and find it so i have them as unlisted. but anyway here you go:
dum di dum
so i'll be vlogging tonight just waiting for mini-me to go to bed because seriously if she sees the camera it won't be dylphe's vlog but mini me's
i made a positive thinking thinspo w/ quotes for your enjoyment
laterz haterz j/k
MUAH
P.S. vlog time depends on how long it takes to upload on youtube but i'll be recording in like two hours
i made a positive thinking thinspo w/ quotes for your enjoyment
laterz haterz j/k
MUAH
P.S. vlog time depends on how long it takes to upload on youtube but i'll be recording in like two hours
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
“Positive thinking is the key to success in business, education, pro football, anything that you can mention. I go out there thinking that I'm going to complete every pass.” ~Ron Jaworsky
so basically as a warning because i am currently under the influence of a certain green plant. so please excuse anything that makes no sense whatsoever
so basically the last two days were crap i'm not going to get the money refunded that were paid out of own pocket for daycare so yeah i'm somewhat screwed. however let's not focus on the negative sides because although it sucks not to have money when you still HAVE to pay for certain things but it means less food. i have to really see what i'm spending money on so top priority is mini-me. she must eat and i can ration or go without if i don't have it anyway. so that's pretty freaking awesome. i don't have money to eat which means automatic weight reduction. then with me walking a lot every day it's on like donkey kong. today i didn't eat a lot. i had half a pretzel that i shared with mini-me, i've had 1.5 bags of sauerkraut (500gr each @ 100cals for the whole bag) 1L of coffee with milk, 1 glass of apple juice, and right now i have 1L of tea (cherry and elder *i'm not to sure of the translation here it's called holunder in german, but that's what the translator gave me) 3 or 4 sweeteners. i know aspartame is in there but i don't care.
i'm really motivated at the moment. i read a book about positive thinking and just wishing for what you want and if you're positive the universe gives it to you, kind of like the secret. anyway i made my wishes and now i have to stay positive. but i am feeling really motivated to reach my goal. even if it could be called self-brainwashing i don't care trying won't hurt. we shall see i made some wishes for my love life, work life, money, and of course my weight. we'll see in the next half year because apparently you can be specific about what you want. it's a german book and i don't know if it's ever been translated but if you're interested i'll e-mail you the title.
ok guys i've gotta go my tea is done steeping. oh and before i forget i won't be weighing in for a while because i got my period yesterday and bloating and the scale not a mind friendly combination
“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”~ Zig Ziglar
stay strong
MUAH
so basically the last two days were crap i'm not going to get the money refunded that were paid out of own pocket for daycare so yeah i'm somewhat screwed. however let's not focus on the negative sides because although it sucks not to have money when you still HAVE to pay for certain things but it means less food. i have to really see what i'm spending money on so top priority is mini-me. she must eat and i can ration or go without if i don't have it anyway. so that's pretty freaking awesome. i don't have money to eat which means automatic weight reduction. then with me walking a lot every day it's on like donkey kong. today i didn't eat a lot. i had half a pretzel that i shared with mini-me, i've had 1.5 bags of sauerkraut (500gr each @ 100cals for the whole bag) 1L of coffee with milk, 1 glass of apple juice, and right now i have 1L of tea (cherry and elder *i'm not to sure of the translation here it's called holunder in german, but that's what the translator gave me) 3 or 4 sweeteners. i know aspartame is in there but i don't care.
i'm really motivated at the moment. i read a book about positive thinking and just wishing for what you want and if you're positive the universe gives it to you, kind of like the secret. anyway i made my wishes and now i have to stay positive. but i am feeling really motivated to reach my goal. even if it could be called self-brainwashing i don't care trying won't hurt. we shall see i made some wishes for my love life, work life, money, and of course my weight. we'll see in the next half year because apparently you can be specific about what you want. it's a german book and i don't know if it's ever been translated but if you're interested i'll e-mail you the title.
ok guys i've gotta go my tea is done steeping. oh and before i forget i won't be weighing in for a while because i got my period yesterday and bloating and the scale not a mind friendly combination
“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”~ Zig Ziglar
stay strong
MUAH
Monday, February 7, 2011
man
so i didn't post yesterday because i didn't really get a chance, in the morning it was all about mini-me not giving me 5 minutes of peace, then the parentals came and got her around one in the afternoon. then i decided kid free time called my friend and we went jogging/running for about 30 mins. then i got a call from the parents oh we're ready to return her. I'm like whaaaat, so i hurry back home and then they text me: oh well you can come to our house we went home.
whaaaat i'm like well i can't come all the way out you do know it's sunday and the buses run weird. so then they kept her i took a shower and then my friend came over to my house and my parent's finally brought her around 5:30- 6:00. so frustrating.
so i've been drinking this chocolate soy protein shake lately. hope it helps with the weight drop. kinda decided on them because honor's always talking about her drink mixes. i can't complain. i hope on friday when i step on the scale i'll show a drop. today i must hydrate because (TMI warning) my pee has been very yellow. we know what that means. not enough liquids. today is a day of hydration. i'm so broke i need to get my shizzle handled. today i'm going to be handling my business so they start paying for mini-me's daycare. i've been having to wait on some paperwork and i hope they handle it soon so i get my money for the past two months back. i have bills to pay and food to buy. can't have mini me starving. at least she gets food at day care. although she does have a rash on her stomach but i think that's from this new cream i tried out because it started after using that. hmmm...we'll see this afternoon. hope they don't call me to come and get her. money is such a pain in the ass. why can't the necessary things in life be free...that includes tummy tucks he he. i'm sorry it's all jumbled. it's so early in the morning.
well i have to get the day started and drink a liter of tea before i leave the house. i'm going to try for 3 liters today. should be a great appetite suppressant. so yeah
stay strong
MUAH
whaaaat i'm like well i can't come all the way out you do know it's sunday and the buses run weird. so then they kept her i took a shower and then my friend came over to my house and my parent's finally brought her around 5:30- 6:00. so frustrating.
so i've been drinking this chocolate soy protein shake lately. hope it helps with the weight drop. kinda decided on them because honor's always talking about her drink mixes. i can't complain. i hope on friday when i step on the scale i'll show a drop. today i must hydrate because (TMI warning) my pee has been very yellow. we know what that means. not enough liquids. today is a day of hydration. i'm so broke i need to get my shizzle handled. today i'm going to be handling my business so they start paying for mini-me's daycare. i've been having to wait on some paperwork and i hope they handle it soon so i get my money for the past two months back. i have bills to pay and food to buy. can't have mini me starving. at least she gets food at day care. although she does have a rash on her stomach but i think that's from this new cream i tried out because it started after using that. hmmm...we'll see this afternoon. hope they don't call me to come and get her. money is such a pain in the ass. why can't the necessary things in life be free...that includes tummy tucks he he. i'm sorry it's all jumbled. it's so early in the morning.
well i have to get the day started and drink a liter of tea before i leave the house. i'm going to try for 3 liters today. should be a great appetite suppressant. so yeah
stay strong
MUAH
Saturday, February 5, 2011
sooo
friday i went and jogged and walked for over an hour. i probably jogged half that time. damn i felt good...and then went back to my friends house smoked weed and fell asleep watching silent hill. oh yeah went from active to super lazy. oh well it's ok. so we'll be doing that every monday wednesday and friday. i'm thinking in between i might pop in my dvds and work out to tone up. i have actually been able to avoid my scale crack. i'll try to wait until end of next week just to see where i'm at after working out because if i weigh myself before and then i gain some muscle i'll be disappointed i think...
i'll post more tomorrow my parents are taking mini-me for the day. plus blogger is acting funky and telling me that i'm not following any blogs. bastard so i can't even catch up.
sorry for the absence but i haven't really been home the past few days and when i was i was tired. so more tomorrow!!
and since house bunny is on tv right now
this biznatchio is hotness and i'd love to have that body but as Lou called it, I need me a tummy tuck in a jar and a serious boob lift before that happens even after i drop the weight
oh a friend of mine who is dreaming of a tummy tuck and boob job much like me actually told me that studies have shown after dropping a large amount of weight that if you have skin saggage getting the surgery done helps keep you from regaining the weight because that surgery is like putting an end to the fat days. which makes sense because i think due to the skin saggage i've gotten my fucked up body image because i just don't feel like i'm loosing any weight and everything is just FAT i mean yeah that shit still is but you know...
anyway gotta get some shut eye gotta get up early with mini me who's so used to the weekday schedule that her but is still getting up at like 6:30
maybe i'll pop some laxies before i go to sleep
stay strong
MUAH
will play catch up on blogs and start reading some new blogs soon, sorry i've been so absent again!!
i'll post more tomorrow my parents are taking mini-me for the day. plus blogger is acting funky and telling me that i'm not following any blogs. bastard so i can't even catch up.
sorry for the absence but i haven't really been home the past few days and when i was i was tired. so more tomorrow!!
and since house bunny is on tv right now
this biznatchio is hotness and i'd love to have that body but as Lou called it, I need me a tummy tuck in a jar and a serious boob lift before that happens even after i drop the weight
oh a friend of mine who is dreaming of a tummy tuck and boob job much like me actually told me that studies have shown after dropping a large amount of weight that if you have skin saggage getting the surgery done helps keep you from regaining the weight because that surgery is like putting an end to the fat days. which makes sense because i think due to the skin saggage i've gotten my fucked up body image because i just don't feel like i'm loosing any weight and everything is just FAT i mean yeah that shit still is but you know...
anyway gotta get some shut eye gotta get up early with mini me who's so used to the weekday schedule that her but is still getting up at like 6:30
maybe i'll pop some laxies before i go to sleep
stay strong
MUAH
will play catch up on blogs and start reading some new blogs soon, sorry i've been so absent again!!
Monday, January 31, 2011
she's baaaaack
54.7kg yes that is my weight disgusting right? <---did i really just write that wow it's to early i meant 164.7lbs (74.7kg). if i was really in the 50's right now i'd be fucking stoked.
so basically my absence meant fatty mcfatfat has taken the lead again.
except this weekend i popped some laxies. 2 saturday morning, 4 at night. my friend came over and she's always complaining that i'm not eating so friday we did a cocktail night and i bought chips to be a "good" hostess. i tend to get alcohol munchies, once i stopped after one cocktail and the weed took affect it was buh-byes food. so yeah. however i found no fave foods that i will be sticking to for a while. pickles and red beets. their both pickled so it's lots of vinegar and not a lot of calories. my stomach hated me last night because it was burning so bad but you know what. if eating doesn't come with a little bit of punishment it's just not worth eating. i hate when mia leaves me during binge attacks. it's an akward relationship. who cares. i think i'm back though.
today i'm going to a gym because they're looking for 50 women for a study so maybe some free gym time? if not i'm starting couch to 5k today with a friend. getting high is awesome. because the resolve just builds and builds. yeah so today is the day. i'll be saving this as a draft and continuing later after i did the workout and get back home.
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FAIL didn't work out, my inner pig came out and i didn't even purge. ASS FACE
so what i need to reflect on is what did i do last year around this time when i was steadily dropping weight? hmmmm...well i was not eating and restricting. maybe i need to fall back into my pattern.
let's see how'd it go....
hmmm...i'll need to change it around obviously because at that time mini-me wasn't in day care
however i can keep the first four. step 5 i can replace with a soy fruit shake. i'm also thinking of replacing the milk with some sort of fruit juice like pineapple. 6 i could technically drop because mini-me get's a warm lunch at day care and she usually just wants bread in the evening. 7 is a no go because a) weed is expensive and b) if i started having it on the regular it would just turn into junkie style behavior which is not good.
so no more buying binge foods. only healthy foods in the house except for mini-me's snacks which i can pretty much resist.
so it could go something like this
i did so well during the day. i went over my friends house who i was supposed to work out with today but she was sick so i brought her some meds and basically we smoked. she got hungry and made herself a pizza and she put like extra stuff on there and i was all going wolf-seeing-hot-chick-and-drooling in my head but i resisted. oh yeah point for me...until i got home.
so plan for tomorrow after taking mini-me to day care is go grocery shopping buy veggies and fruits and some good vinegar maybe even something more exotic like raspberry vinegar. start making salads and shizzle if i want to eat. I'm thinking of buying a good water bottle that can also withstand heat that can hold about a liter of liquid and make some tea that also tastes good cooled off that i can carry around with me because usually i get bingy when i'm dehydrated, which is hard for me to combat since i don't ever feel thirsty.
i also need to exercise. tomorrow whether my friend can make it or not i'm going to go to that gym and see who they are looking for, for their study and see if i can be in on it.
I hope Phantom is ok, she was having a hard time and that's the thing that sucks about blogger, we know so many intimate details about each other yet if something were to really happen we'd never know.
@John Kristopher nooo YOU make ME happy in my pants (*^_^*)
stay strong biznatchies
MUAH
so basically my absence meant fatty mcfatfat has taken the lead again.
except this weekend i popped some laxies. 2 saturday morning, 4 at night. my friend came over and she's always complaining that i'm not eating so friday we did a cocktail night and i bought chips to be a "good" hostess. i tend to get alcohol munchies, once i stopped after one cocktail and the weed took affect it was buh-byes food. so yeah. however i found no fave foods that i will be sticking to for a while. pickles and red beets. their both pickled so it's lots of vinegar and not a lot of calories. my stomach hated me last night because it was burning so bad but you know what. if eating doesn't come with a little bit of punishment it's just not worth eating. i hate when mia leaves me during binge attacks. it's an akward relationship. who cares. i think i'm back though.
today i'm going to a gym because they're looking for 50 women for a study so maybe some free gym time? if not i'm starting couch to 5k today with a friend. getting high is awesome. because the resolve just builds and builds. yeah so today is the day. i'll be saving this as a draft and continuing later after i did the workout and get back home.
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FAIL didn't work out, my inner pig came out and i didn't even purge. ASS FACE
so what i need to reflect on is what did i do last year around this time when i was steadily dropping weight? hmmmm...well i was not eating and restricting. maybe i need to fall back into my pattern.
let's see how'd it go....
- wake up
- start the coffee maker
- make mini-me breakfast
- get my coffee smoke a cigarette
- around lunch time i'd have a whey drink
- then at dinner time i'd make potatoes with veggies for mini-me let her eat, put her to bed and then i'd eat whatever she left over.
- smoke weed to keep the hunger away
hmmm...i'll need to change it around obviously because at that time mini-me wasn't in day care
however i can keep the first four. step 5 i can replace with a soy fruit shake. i'm also thinking of replacing the milk with some sort of fruit juice like pineapple. 6 i could technically drop because mini-me get's a warm lunch at day care and she usually just wants bread in the evening. 7 is a no go because a) weed is expensive and b) if i started having it on the regular it would just turn into junkie style behavior which is not good.
so no more buying binge foods. only healthy foods in the house except for mini-me's snacks which i can pretty much resist.
so it could go something like this
- wake up
- start the coffee maker and water boiler
- make mini-me breakfast
- make tea for water bottle, get my coffee smoke a cigarette
- take mini me to day care
- take care of fitness, shopping, appointments, and household
- around lunch time have a soy/fruit juice and fruit drink (everything measured out for cal count)
- pick mini-me up from day care
- make mini-me dinner start water boiler
- make a liter of tea, drink entire thing before considering solid food
- put mini-me to bed
- get my blogger fix, be a j-nerd/reality junky
- take my ass to sleep, sleeping people can't eat. (unless they sleepwalk but i don't)
i did so well during the day. i went over my friends house who i was supposed to work out with today but she was sick so i brought her some meds and basically we smoked. she got hungry and made herself a pizza and she put like extra stuff on there and i was all going wolf-seeing-hot-chick-and-drooling in my head but i resisted. oh yeah point for me...until i got home.
so plan for tomorrow after taking mini-me to day care is go grocery shopping buy veggies and fruits and some good vinegar maybe even something more exotic like raspberry vinegar. start making salads and shizzle if i want to eat. I'm thinking of buying a good water bottle that can also withstand heat that can hold about a liter of liquid and make some tea that also tastes good cooled off that i can carry around with me because usually i get bingy when i'm dehydrated, which is hard for me to combat since i don't ever feel thirsty.
i also need to exercise. tomorrow whether my friend can make it or not i'm going to go to that gym and see who they are looking for, for their study and see if i can be in on it.
I hope Phantom is ok, she was having a hard time and that's the thing that sucks about blogger, we know so many intimate details about each other yet if something were to really happen we'd never know.
@John Kristopher nooo YOU make ME happy in my pants (*^_^*)
stay strong biznatchies
MUAH
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
vlogging it and vlogging it and vlogging it yeah
so here's the pudding commercial for nessa has to be a link because it won't let me embed it...damn bastard
weight today 162.7lbs(73.8kg)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
on lamebook
i'm on lamebook right now and although i know i should find this funny i somehow want to cry for this chick whoever she is.
i mean yay for self-confidence but really is there anything to hate on?
i mean yay for self-confidence but really is there anything to hate on?
at least i found something to give me a reason to restrict tomorrow
vlog it sorry it's late
sorry it's late but i had a friend over. although i'm open with this e.d. behaviour with some people this blog is just for me. this is my little corner of the worldd where i can let it all hang out with you guys. kinda like on knocked up where dude secretly has his fantasy baseball team.
any way been fattymcfatfat again. somethings gotta give. popped some laxies today.
here is yesterdays entry:
excuse the ugly, the tired, the unshapely eyebrows and all that
i'm lazy sorry
4. Metabolism Push
Biochemists have found: The essential oils in ginger, increase the body temperature and increase energy consumption. The lipid metabolism runs faster by up to 25 percent - and that for hours. Tip: Three times a day drink 1 cup of unsweetened hot ginger tea after eating.
(link takes you to post)
any way been fattymcfatfat again. somethings gotta give. popped some laxies today.
here is yesterdays entry:
excuse the ugly, the tired, the unshapely eyebrows and all that
i'm lazy sorry
4. Metabolism Push
Biochemists have found: The essential oils in ginger, increase the body temperature and increase energy consumption. The lipid metabolism runs faster by up to 25 percent - and that for hours. Tip: Three times a day drink 1 cup of unsweetened hot ginger tea after eating.
(link takes you to post)
Monday, January 24, 2011
yeah i'm lazy
so i made a vlog but the cam died as i was trying to upload so i'll do it tomorrow promise
Saturday, January 22, 2011
no update really
my phone is close to death and i'm stuck another night at the parentals if i'm not to tired when i get home tomorrow i'll do a proper update. i did help a friend move today but then i binged at the parentals. i'm fat and disgusting weigh in monday since i won't get home till the evening
doot doot that's my phone telling me it's about to go off
stay strong
MUAH
doot doot that's my phone telling me it's about to go off
stay strong
MUAH
Friday, January 21, 2011
emo scare over
talked to my bestie then b/p'ed and feel so much better now.
i don't know what happened it just came over me.
but i really do need to get back on my meds and therapy. avoid feeling this way.
i still think life is pointless but the suicidal thoughts have been pushed back.
stay strong
muah
i don't know what happened it just came over me.
but i really do need to get back on my meds and therapy. avoid feeling this way.
i still think life is pointless but the suicidal thoughts have been pushed back.
stay strong
muah
Depression is a fucker that'w got to go
The 180 i did emotionaly at the clinic last year has just turned into a 360. My wish to die has returned and in m head i'm planning suicide notes. I need to get back on meds but that means going back to therapy, finding a doctor is the hard part. I hate this. I could take a seroquel but that fucks with my blood pressure. I don't really see the point in living right now. The world is going to hell, i've done my human duty and procreated, i'm going to be stuck with mia my entire life, even if not in action then always mentaly. I'm so tired. I just want to pop all the pills i have and go to sleep, forever.
I know i'm supposed to be thinking of all the people that care about me and in my own twisted way i am. What good am i. This smile is fake. I fucking hate myself inside and out. Really whats the point what can i dp for these people that care? Not a damn thing.
I just need to hold on to the thought that i can't die fat. Transporting my dead body should be made as easy as possible. And it's time maybei'll change my mind.
Sorry for the emo post
stay strong
muah
I know i'm supposed to be thinking of all the people that care about me and in my own twisted way i am. What good am i. This smile is fake. I fucking hate myself inside and out. Really whats the point what can i dp for these people that care? Not a damn thing.
I just need to hold on to the thought that i can't die fat. Transporting my dead body should be made as easy as possible. And it's time maybei'll change my mind.
Sorry for the emo post
stay strong
muah
murrnurr
so many new supporters so undeserved. thank you for your support I truly appreciate it.
I did dip out for a while and I must apologize for that however i don't know why but fatty mcfatfat has been in control. mia just came back in my life yesterday. i know right, what the hell happened? i don't know. self-sabotage i think.
i'm not getting on the scale until sunday simply because i'm somewhere in the 73's and i can't handle that right now. tomorrow i'm going to help a friend move so i'm hoping to burn some cals. eat as little as possible to as much work as possible is my plan for saturday.
on wednesday it all pretty much went down hill. i met a friend for coffee. well we ended up not drinking coffee but going to eat. and shop i thought the walking would make it ok. it obviously didn't. however after we ate we decided to go to the next town over but she wanted to change her shoes so we smoked a lil sumtin sumtin before we headed over to the next town at her house and it was freakin awesome being high while out and about. however trust smoking is not going to turn into a habit. can't do it. or let me put it this way i'm not going to purchasing it ever again but i'll take a hit if offered. ugh smoking is kinda like me and mia. love it but hate it. this dependency thing is an issue.
anyway in the evening i had a binge and for some reason i didn't purge. i can't explain it. mia just couldn't convince me or maybe she walked out the door i don't know.
you guys know what song comes to mind when i kneel over the toilet and purge?
i guess it's because that really is what my throat hopes for from my fingers...i dunno.
well i have to go and take mini-me to the doc she has a rash. god i hope it's nothing serious. well here's to traveling half way around the world.
stay strong
MUAH
I did dip out for a while and I must apologize for that however i don't know why but fatty mcfatfat has been in control. mia just came back in my life yesterday. i know right, what the hell happened? i don't know. self-sabotage i think.
i'm not getting on the scale until sunday simply because i'm somewhere in the 73's and i can't handle that right now. tomorrow i'm going to help a friend move so i'm hoping to burn some cals. eat as little as possible to as much work as possible is my plan for saturday.
on wednesday it all pretty much went down hill. i met a friend for coffee. well we ended up not drinking coffee but going to eat. and shop i thought the walking would make it ok. it obviously didn't. however after we ate we decided to go to the next town over but she wanted to change her shoes so we smoked a lil sumtin sumtin before we headed over to the next town at her house and it was freakin awesome being high while out and about. however trust smoking is not going to turn into a habit. can't do it. or let me put it this way i'm not going to purchasing it ever again but i'll take a hit if offered. ugh smoking is kinda like me and mia. love it but hate it. this dependency thing is an issue.
anyway in the evening i had a binge and for some reason i didn't purge. i can't explain it. mia just couldn't convince me or maybe she walked out the door i don't know.
you guys know what song comes to mind when i kneel over the toilet and purge?
i guess it's because that really is what my throat hopes for from my fingers...i dunno.
well i have to go and take mini-me to the doc she has a rash. god i hope it's nothing serious. well here's to traveling half way around the world.
stay strong
MUAH
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Award for me...WHAAAAT?
The beautiful and to me most inspiring Lou, (who gives me way to much credit and whom I adore and wish I could give this award to) gave me this award.
So instead of writing my 10 facts out I decided to do a video (which took forever to upload which is why it took me so long to post):
I pass this award on to (these blogs are all worth following I'm really bad at writing individual praises so I apologize before hand) in no particular order:
Phantom
An amazing chicky whose blog I love reading and find very interesting
Fading Figure
Always interesting to read like Phantom said before she really is like the little sister
Emily
Although she doesn't post often enough in my eyes (^_^)[she has a life maybe i'm just hating lol] I really enjoy her blog and she's awesomely motivated love it!!
~Nessa~
oh she's so quirky, her posts are awesome and she's making super progress!! always a pleasure to read, especially when she uses words like redonkulous because then it's in my head for the rest of the day
Honor Regzig
love reading her post. she's always trying new snack foods and health bars and gives honest reviews, which it's not a reviews blog don't get it twisted, she's awesome and I love reading her blog
I wish I could give this to everyone, I love you all!!!
Stay Strong
MUAH
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