The 180 i did emotionaly at the clinic last year has just turned into a 360. My wish to die has returned and in m head i'm planning suicide notes. I need to get back on meds but that means going back to therapy, finding a doctor is the hard part. I hate this. I could take a seroquel but that fucks with my blood pressure. I don't really see the point in living right now. The world is going to hell, i've done my human duty and procreated, i'm going to be stuck with mia my entire life, even if not in action then always mentaly. I'm so tired. I just want to pop all the pills i have and go to sleep, forever.
I know i'm supposed to be thinking of all the people that care about me and in my own twisted way i am. What good am i. This smile is fake. I fucking hate myself inside and out. Really whats the point what can i dp for these people that care? Not a damn thing.
I just need to hold on to the thought that i can't die fat. Transporting my dead body should be made as easy as possible. And it's time maybei'll change my mind.
Sorry for the emo post
stay strong
muah
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