gomen ne

yeah i haven't been updating like i should have. i've been lazy. i can't even give a decent excuse except being kinda tired and lazy.
yesterday i bought me some warm winter boots at this store called forever18. they were only 15eur. so if anybody living in germany needs super warm, water proof boots for cheap these are it. they kinda look like uggs. i'm actually at home right now and i'm wearing them like house shoes. soooo comfy.
yesterday my weight was 169.3lbs(76.8kg). i ate a lot but i also purged a lot. the only thing i didn't purge was a bowl of rice with soy sauce. i ended up being on the phone with my besty and so i couldn't go purge. i called her so i wouldn't. i mean really am i going to beat myself over a bowl of rice? actually yes i am. it's weird but i didn't want to purge it...well my logical mind self didn't want to purge it, my mia bitch did but i called my besty told her why i was calling and she was like good that you called.
my weight this morning was 167.1lbs(75.8kg).[a loss, purging works when you least want it to with your logical side] today i ate some mochi that i bought yesterday...3 of them actually and they are each like 130cals but i couldn't go purge right then because the guy to read the heater meters came and yeah ughhh. then i had rice today but purged that. so hell at least i'm getting rid of this shit. but you know what thought came to me before i started eating.
Fat people deserve food poisoning.
by fat people i meant me, i'm not a person i'm a people that's how fat i am. and to be honest not only do i deserve for food, the ultimate evil, to poison me but i want it. i wish i would one day just eat something that fucks my insides up. i can't do it on purpose it needs to be on accident but i'm just saying.
oh purging has been weird lately. every time i purge my throat hurts but not the scratchy hurt but the tonsilitis hurt. on top of that my tongue hurts. i have a tongue piercing and right around the whole on the bottom of my tongue it hurts. kinda like a few weeks after i got it pierced and it only hurt when i was playing around crazy with it. it's really strange. i don't know what to make of it. it can't really get infected since i've had it for 6 years...wtf i feel old. sorry i know i'm not old but since i got knocked up so young and didn't get to do all the shit i had planned i feel kinda old. know what i mean.
@ Fading Figure yeah i didn't post to much at the end of last year because i was at my besties and to paranoid for continuous posting unless i was alone in the house and her bf was out grocery shopping or she was working. so i'm sorry. i'm trying to be better about it again even though i was a lazy ass and still kinda am.
stay strong thinnys
MUAH