i got back home today and i just caught up with your blogs. still have some blogs i'm reading so i haven't started following yet but i'm getting there, slowly but surely.
i've been letting fatty mcfatfat take control. not like i could purge at my besties.
let's talk about new years.
so drank a lot but didn't get drunk. i was buzzed a little. enough not to freak out when talking to people i didn't really know, but enough to question everything i was doing, besides eating...i ate a lot. one of the guys brought this salad his mom made and OMG it was sooo good. i want the recipe but i shouldn't get it because it wasn't a leafy type salad but a nomnom i'll make you fat salad. which i'm sure it did. which speaking of that guy he wrote me this weird message on facebook which i have yet to reply to. he's starts with i'm probably writing this because i'm drunk but i want to know what you think of this text. followed by a weird poem about asking a girl to go out with him and then at the end if you say no i'll smoke a j...something along the lines. it's in german. then later on one of the chickies (i actually consider her a friend) call her J, another chicky, N, and my besty we're all in the bathroom having a heart to heart because J's marriage is on the rocks she knows she needs to leave but loves him. you know that usual story where usually you'd be like bitch just leave. well while N is pounding in on her telling her just be strong leave blah blah, me although not being able to really relate to the relationship part but the she needs to put herself first part i'm telling her that she does need to put herself first and i understand right now she logically knows what is right but her heart isn't allowing her to act on it. she needs to take time for herself and while doing that not focus so much on the relationship but just on her the rest will follow. and then it goes on into "i have an eating disorder because i don't know how to deal with my shit. you need to cry. i can't cry no matter how much i try. wanna know what i do? i eat a shit load of food and then throw it up in the toilet because that's how i have control. i don't want you to end up like me and using something harmful, not necessarily an eating disorder, to deal with what's eating you up. please take some time, maybe go for therapy or something. don't just focus on you and his relationship. you have a son and you need to put him and yourself first."
i felt so sad seeing her hurting that i just spilled the beans. i probably wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for my besty in the room who already knew. i don't know why i'm sharing that shit with people. i guess sometimes it's gotta come out. i'd never share it with my parents or other people but i guess they're the closest friends i've got and i feel like i need to be honest with them. they don't understand and they never will i know that. i just want them to be aware i guess.
well after that talk (which my bsty left early) i was looking for my besty and couldn't find her. turns out her ass went to bed without saying anything. i was like well my ass gotta go to sleep to mini me will be up in like 2 hours. so yeah hit the sack. it was an ok party can't complain just pissed that i drank so fucking much and stayed pretty much sober. no hangover nothing. murr.
well this is what i looked like on new years. excuse the fatness much to work on this year but i will i have to. i'm tired of the up and down. it's time to get to my UGW at least, maybe lower.
i'm dreading my scale tomorrow. i might have shot up above my restarting weight. know what that means...a restart take 2. it's ok because after i drop mini-me off at daycare, i'm going to the asian food store buying a bag of rice. and then it's really on. i don't care i'm so motivated i want to purge my stomach now that i know has already digested the shit i put in it today. like i think i mentioned before i but that couch to 5k app on my phone so i'm hoping to get started next week. why not this week? because tomorrow i'm cleaning my house and it's for 3 times a week and i can only do it during the week while mini me is in day care. and since i'm mental i need a certain order so i have to do it M-W-F in the beginning or i'll feel retarded. i might be a chaotic person but certain things have to be orderly. Lou was talking about maybe adding people on facebook, i think it's a good idea (sorry i didn't comment hun) but i'll have to make a seperate facebook account because my mom is a facebook stalker, she stalks me and shit so i can't allow any slip ups. who is that Dylphe? where do you know them from? etc. etc. urghh stalking parentals are a pain in the ass. i'm a grown ass woman (by law not mentality) leave me ALONE.
so yeah i hope everybody entered the new year on a positive note or at least has a positive outlook. i'm about to go lay my cards (tarot kind of they aren't really tarot cards since they have like animal signs but they work almost the same) to see what this year brings.
i love you guys so much i'd hump your leg j/k (or am i? ^_^)
stay strong
MUAH
lol I do tarot too..
ReplyDeleteI found the FB account you set up, geesh fb has like a gazillion names that you're not looking for.
I like you're picture, you're so pretty, I like your hair.
Ooh Hello kitty!
As for your rice diet and the asian market, see if you find the "miracle noodles" they are 0 calories. I forget their actual name but I'm sure you'll find it there in case you get bored eating just rice.
Stay strong..
*Hugs*