she's baaaaack

54.7kg yes that is my weight disgusting right? <---did i really just write that wow it's to early i meant 164.7lbs (74.7kg). if i was really in the 50's right now i'd be fucking stoked.
so basically my absence meant fatty mcfatfat has taken the lead again.
except this weekend i popped some laxies. 2 saturday morning, 4 at night. my friend came over and she's always complaining that i'm not eating so friday we did a cocktail night and i bought chips to be a "good" hostess. i tend to get alcohol munchies, once i stopped after one cocktail and the weed took affect it was buh-byes food. so yeah. however i found no fave foods that i will be sticking to for a while. pickles and red beets. their both pickled so it's lots of vinegar and not a lot of calories. my stomach hated me last night because it was burning so bad but you know what. if eating doesn't come with a little bit of punishment it's just not worth eating. i hate when mia leaves me during binge attacks. it's an akward relationship. who cares. i think i'm back though.
today i'm going to a gym because they're looking for 50 women for a study so maybe some free gym time? if not i'm starting couch to 5k today with a friend. getting high is awesome. because the resolve just builds and builds. yeah so today is the day. i'll be saving this as a draft and continuing later after i did the workout and get back home.
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FAIL didn't work out, my inner pig came out and i didn't even purge. ASS FACE
so what i need to reflect on is what did i do last year around this time when i was steadily dropping weight? hmmmm...well i was not eating and restricting. maybe i need to fall back into my pattern.
let's see how'd it go....

1. wake up
2. start the coffee maker
3. make mini-me breakfast
4. get my coffee smoke a cigarette
5. around lunch time i'd have a whey drink
6. then at dinner time i'd make potatoes with veggies for mini-me let her eat, put her to bed and then i'd eat whatever she left over.
7. smoke weed to keep the hunger away

hmmm...i'll need to change it around obviously because at that time mini-me wasn't in day care
however i can keep the first four. step 5 i can replace with a soy fruit shake. i'm also thinking of replacing the milk with some sort of fruit juice like pineapple. 6 i could technically drop because mini-me get's a warm lunch at day care and she usually just wants bread in the evening. 7 is a no go because a) weed is expensive and b) if i started having it on the regular it would just turn into junkie style behavior which is not good.
so no more buying binge foods. only healthy foods in the house except for mini-me's snacks which i can pretty much resist.
so it could go something like this

1. wake up
2. start the coffee maker and water boiler
3. make mini-me breakfast
4. make tea for water bottle, get my coffee smoke a cigarette
5. take mini me to day care 
6. take care of fitness, shopping, appointments, and household
7. around lunch time have a soy/fruit juice and fruit drink (everything measured out for cal count)
8. pick mini-me up from day care
9. make mini-me dinner start water boiler
10. make a liter of tea, drink entire thing before considering solid food
11. put mini-me to bed
12. get my blogger fix, be a j-nerd/reality junky
13. take my ass to sleep, sleeping people can't eat. (unless they sleepwalk but i don't)

if i follow the above plan i might not have time for lunch. as long as i have liquids i should be ok.
i did so well during the day. i went over my friends house who i was supposed to work out with today but she was sick so i brought her some meds and basically we smoked. she got hungry and made herself a pizza and she put like extra stuff on there and i was all going wolf-seeing-hot-chick-and-drooling in my head but i resisted. oh yeah point for me...until i got home.
so plan for tomorrow after taking mini-me to day care is go grocery shopping buy veggies and fruits and some good vinegar maybe even something more exotic like raspberry vinegar. start making salads and shizzle if i want to eat. I'm thinking of buying a good water bottle that can also withstand heat that can hold about a liter of liquid and make some tea that also tastes good cooled off that i can carry around with me because usually i get bingy when i'm dehydrated, which is hard for me to combat since i don't ever feel thirsty.
i also need to exercise. tomorrow whether my friend can make it or not i'm going to go to that gym and see who they are looking for, for their study and see if i can be in on it.

I hope Phantom is ok, she was having a hard time and that's the thing that sucks about blogger, we know so many intimate details about each other yet if something were to really happen we'd never know.

@John Kristopher nooo YOU make ME happy in my pants (*^_^*)
stay strong biznatchies
MUAH