So through with that bitch

I'm referring to Mia. I know I enjoy a good purge like the next person but I've realized that she's got to get out of my life. At first it was just a control method. Eat and purge until I have my discipline. Then just to control the moments when I had to eat for the sake of others. Lately she's taken over. I binge binge binge and then purge purge purge. It's not even a matter of weight control anymore. Don't get me wrong I want to loose weight (which I've been a failure at), I just can't control it anymore. I go to bed and wake up with good intentions but I leave the house and go grocery shopping (unavoidable with a kid), and all the bullshit food wanders into my basket. I then proceed to check out, spend waaaay to much money, go home and binge and purge. I eat food designated for my kid (her treats) and purge it. Then the next day I have to go repeat that cycle because my kid obviously has to eat. It has not become a matter of weight but a matter of addiction. I am a failure.
Brittany I promised to do the thing with you for 6 weeks but I've completely failed. I am sorry.
So I just took the initiative and e-mailed a psychologist who not only specializes in my current issues but also eating disorders and I hope to get an appointment, which could take a while (waiting for a spot is like 6-12 months over here...I guess this city is filled with nuts). I want to leave Mia behind. It's funny because I love(d) her more than Ana. I want Ana back though. But when you constantly binge there's no room for Ana.
Mia also hasn't kept her promise, I'm creeping up on 80kg. Not cool.
I hope this guy can help me leave Mia behind. I had good times but I don't feel the same about her anymore, but I can't do it on my own.
I know I was supposed to take a few days off from here but I found what I needed quicker. So yeah I'm back.
Stay Strong
MUAH

EDIT: oh I saw on Tv today that women who strictly only eat 650 cals a week are at a lower risk for breast cancer. for any of you fellow germans/speakers/understanders I saw it on Punkt 12 so you might find it on the RTL website