alright a recap

i think i ate way to much today, yes i'm certain i consumed less than 500 cals (no binge not even a mini one but a purge included) in food but i'm trying to be restrictive so i feel i have to be a food nazi about it (and no pun intended since i am german or maybe you could just blame it on my heritage except we've moved on from jews to food ~~ok that might have been in bad taste...deal with it ^_^). And there's also this hunk of pineapple still sitting in my fridge that i really want to consume but really shouldn't.
first off thanks for all the lovely comments guys. but you know what i love more than your comments? your blog entries seriously i do. i mean yeah i do love the comments because let's be honest inside everyone of us bloggers is a little comment whore who loves the validation that our posts are being read. and i'm trying to be better at commenting on people's posts. however i must say i love reading your blogs i honestly sit there and refresh my dashboard all day just to see if anyone posted. makes me sound sad? yeah i'll admit it i have no life. but it's like watching reality tv except you don't wish for shit to hit the fan (in this case a weight gain for most) but you're hoping for them to be successful (a loss, or a sense of control or both, or just general good stuff happening non ed related).
back to the comments though i have it so i get it e-mailed to me when somebody posts, why has hotmail been putting the updates in the junk folder lately. it's not junk it's pure awesomness hitting the mailbox, stop being a bitch hotmail.
so i've decided to use my msn messenger (wantabethinsoon(at)hotmail.com)for anyone that wants/needs to talk/rant/bitch/whatever and it doesn't have to be food related because although that's a lot of what we are about it's not all of it. I can't promise stimulating conversation because the reason i don't really use messenger is because at some point my conversations fizzle out into akward silence...or should i say emptiness since it's not really sound. i lack conversational skills, but yeah just so you guys know...
i guess i just want to connect more with this community because nobody else really gets it. plus i've probably told you guys more than anybody i know. i mean i got mia-girly but although i can talk to her usually it just turns into a binge fest minus the purging when she comes over. it's the whole oooh let's eat together feel guilty but not do the bad thing that we're both trying to stop doing. i love her but i guess two mia's in that situation aren't the best mix. however i'm trying to leave that life behind. not her just that lifestyle.
i really need to quit i might have seen blood in my purge today but i'm hoping something red got mixed into the potato salad by accident. i see what it's doing to me and two bloggers Phantom and Avani posted about the bad effects of mia today (let's not forget all the comments i've gotten from people over time thanks) and it's almost like a sign to me except the logical part of my brain isn't winning at the moment.
well love all you guys
stay strong
muah

EDIT: won't be on messenger tonight though because i have to handle some things in my household so yeah