so critical lately some may think i'm drinking haterade but seriously i'm not

so today i wrote a tweet that said Thank you fattie for taking the escalator it made me take the stairs 
which made me realize after posting it that i have become quite critical, insensitive and somewhat critical of really fat people. 
i'm actually kind of ashamed. i used to be a really fat person, now i think i've managed to get down to just a pretty fat person (pretty not in the sense of aesthetics). 
i don't know if they are trying to loose weight, i don't know their story, maybe they are on meds, maybe they have a medical condition they are trying to sort out, who knows. but when i see them the first thought is god you need to work on yourself hon. i mean at least i'm still checking myself after...usually. 
i feel mean but i can't help it. i know i'm projecting my self hate on other people. i've lost the understanding of being happy while fat. i can't do it. i saw a book today while browsing the bookstore and they actually had a book on making yourself happy eating. for me that's an impossibility. any raving i do over food is just faking the funk so people don't think anything weird. 
when food enters my mouth self-loathing enters my mind. i still have problems ordering food somewhere, or just grocery shopping especially when it's binge food shopping. 
but i'm becoming one of those critical people. i shouldn't be i mean i don't know what they might be going through, how they are feeling, what they are trying. 
however i refuse to have any compassion with fat people who complain about being fat and do nothing. considering where i come from as far as weight loss goes i know it's hard, and i'm probably making it harder on myself not the point however. i'm not saying they have to do it like me, actually they shouldn't do it like me, they should go the healthy route so if anybody stumbled upon this blog considering the "pro-ana way" don't do it. Reduce your intake a little to 1500 cals 1200 if you want to push it, and exercise. Eat healthy foods and not to many processed foods. Don't deny yourself anything and don't get anal about counting calories. Enjoy going out to eat and all that jazz. I can't do that. As much as I love eating sushi, everything comes with a side of self-loathing and guilt. If I can't purge after I can't enjoy anything I do after. I usually go with my bestie if i do go eat and basically the whole afternoon is shot, outside i'm happy inside i'm contemplating how to correct my mistake, if there is any way to even do it. So yeah this has turned into a whole big thing more than I actually planned this post to be but yeah just some thoughts. 
what I learned today (after drinking it) a cherry caprisun has 89cals. WOW I really wasted some cals today. Shame on me. Bad girl Dylphe bad girl. 
So Stay Strong Ladies and Gents I love you guys no matter what size you are know that, and please believe I'm never critical of you. Which saying that does not mean I'm calling you fat but...you guys get what I'm saying I'm stumbling in awkward territory right now getting more and more lost soooo...
MUAH