omg

i don't know why but i just binged on a lot of bread
i need to purge like it's so bad i'm shaking right now but i can't mini-me is in there brushing her teeth. i love that she's so cleanly but hell momma needs to regurgitate. aaaahhhh
i didn't want to do that today but i leave this crap in i don't know what i'll do freak out maybe be an angry heifer all day something
aaahhhhhh must purge i'm so tempted to grab the trash can and go close the door in my room and go at it
never done that before but desperate times call for desperate measures. i will be leaving the house today and buying the stuff i forgot about yesterday mostly because i need the exercise all the stores are in walking distance and although i can't walk at my preferred speed (power walk i hate walking slow) since i got mini me tagging along it's movement which i need. ughhh. a friend offered to come by and drive me to do the shopping but she's sick like me and i didn't want to say it but i don't want her getting mini me sick, not everyone is willing to "embarrass" themselves and wear a face mask in public.

why can i not control my binging. where is my trigger i can't find it. i'm not hungry, i'm not craving, i don't have an appetite but i still feel the need to stuff myself until it feels like my stomach will explode and shit is being pushed out (gross sounding i know)
i've tried all the tricks i know to keep from binging but they don't work there's a monster in there pushing me.
maybe someone should pray for me...but then again that would be wrong i don't really believe in religion. i'm spiritual yes but organized religions don't work for me. however if you believe that's awesome i actually admire your ability to have faith in something regardless of how many holes people will try to poke in it to make you loose that faith. however if your faith makes you unhappy (i'm talking about the faith not the fellow faithful ones) it's probably time to evaluate...wow i just went off on a tangent sorry. ok blogging ain't helping it's gotta come out fuck swollen throat, kid in bathroom, etc.
be stronger than me
MUAH