hmmm a bitchy ranty whiny post

don't have much positivity to post. i'm fat and my digestion is fucked, so laxies aren't dependable which means i can't take any until tomorrow afternoon because i have to take mini me to the doctor tomorrow. we were in the german emergency room because her doc is closed and they bitched at me how i should have went to one of the alternative doctors etc. etc. and then they see me anyway and bitch at me again. look you fucking underpaid bitches (which isn't my fault) don't bitch at me if you don't want to see me don't make me wait for 2 hours and then bitch about me being there. i would have been fine just taking her to another doctor...had you let me go. well mini me has bronchitis but she's still being awesome so it she'll get over it.
then i went to get my hair cut since i was with my friend and yeah my hair is half nigger so the shit curls with wetness so the fucker cut it crooked i'm pissed i mean it'll grow but still that's 12 euros i wasted. 12 euros i shouldn't have really spent on that.
food wise i didn't do to bad i had rice and tofu and a few of my daughters french fries. not bad with the exception of the chocolate. i hate pms mode it makes me want chocolate something i don't even crave at any other time. oh yeah i had a shake too.
i want laxies right now but so not dependable and i don't wanna be at my daughters appointment feeling the shits coming on because my belly ain't digesting right and being all slow making it take like +/-12 hours to work. can't risk it. i can't purge and now i can't depend on laxies. i'm a fat ass why can't this shit kick in when i'm at a dangerous weight level? fuck you disorders. i might as well own up and say i have an eating disorder. though i don't feel the "right" to claim it. i'm not diagnosed (not like i want to be that would require me telling a therapist) and it's not like i got the will power to go along with it. neither do i exercise enough...i don't at all. i feel unworthy to even label myself as having an eating disorder. i guess me thinking i'm unworthy of something i don't truly want but i'm suffering from the symptoms would make it true huh? oh well this twisted mess is about to sign off
i wish you all the best, i thank my new supporter and all you guys' comments. i love you all you are awesomeness on a slice of no cal toast
stay strong
MUAH